Death

Today………………. well this morning.  I almost killed someone.

In case you don’t know me that well, I despise all killing.  I despise hurting in general.  Be it animals, plant or human.  I’m a little hateful, I admit.  I’m not particularly friendly to the bar fly hookers.  But I will never intentionally hurt anyone, and I am especially sensitive to  the less than privledged (so to speak).   I respect all life, and I will never take it away from anyone.

But this morning…. I was on my way to work.  Just beginning the trip.  On Spanaway Loop and 121st I saw a man.  He half stumbled, though mostly walked, to the corner, and he never stopped, he walked right into traffic.  He was lucky that traffic was light.  I was coming around the corner, a corner that has no crosswalk or signal.  He was wearing cargo shorts, a sideways hat and tennis shoes, no shirt.  Not a big deal, appropriate for summer weather,  but not this morning.  It was 45 degrees.

I was in the inside lane, going 40 ish mph.  I saw him approach the corner, and he seemed like he was walking in a straight line, and it seemed from a fast-ish approach that he was paying attention.  But his eyes were dead.

He didn’t hesitate at the corner of the busy road that had no crosswalk, he didn’t pay any attention to the curb he had to come down.  He walked right into the middle of the road that I was driving on.  He walked right in front of my car.   I saw myself hitting him.  Killing him.

The car behind me was watching too. I was lucky to not get rear ended when I slammed on my brakes.  I stopped within inches of him.  That guy was out of it.

That guy, whose life I could have taken away, was not even there.  His eyes were so blank, his face was screwed up into a grimace, he was waving his arms around and shouting nonsense at no one…..   He was not even aware he was in traffic.  Maybe it was crack, or meth, or heroin, I don’t even care.  He barely looked my way.

I wonder if he made it across the road.

I am a secret closet witch, and I believe in Karma.  Live and Let Live.  But when that guy…….. he could have ruined my day, my week….. my year.   I could have taken his life.  Drugs are bad.  I mean it.  Maybe order a sticker about it.

He affected my whole day.

Now I’m affecting your whole day.

It’s horrible.  Please do not ever be that guy.  I’m writing 12 hours later and It is still affecting me like it just happened.  The horrible part is that the guy I’m writing about, he doesn’t even know the chaos he created.

Just say NO.

Special Bonus Question…… Black, White, Mexican or Asian……………………………………………….

 

3 Replies to “Death”

  1. He could have a mental disorder.
    There are so many people out there that personally waste their lives or have them taken from them as their mind deteriorates thru no fault of their own. My Mom recently went on a “walk about” and ended up 4 miles away from her home. She didn’t know how she got there or even remember being taken back home after falling in the intersection. The next minute she was alert and “in the moment”, but she now needs 24/7 care so she doesn’t hurt herself or others.

  2. I agree with Karen, possibly a mental disorder. There are two things that my mind raced to as I read this entry. To things as I related it to my own life. I have been that guy. I have thought long and hard about my life, and thought of an easier way “out”. There are many vague ways I’ve thought about it be it a bridge, a cliff, a train, or even traffic. Because the monsters I deal with overcome me and overwhelm me and the very task of getting out of bed seems so difficult I can’t even imagine how I could possibly keep living. Obviously, since I am writing this I haven’t done it yet. I have found the will to.live. For now. On the other hand of my stick, and along the same lines of mental disorders there is something else I associated with this man. It’s called “disassociation” when something triggers me to remember certain events that have happened to me, many things can happen, it takes me back, and its fight or flight. Freeze isn’t an option most people talk about. Freeze needs to be known in fight or flight. It happens to many many people. I digress, I will freeze, metaphorically. If I am driving home, I still freeze. I disassociate from myself. Its difficult to explain. It’s like someone else is controlling me. Like I am a character in a video game it’s very real, but it’s not me, I have no control. There are days that I drive home from work and don’t remember how I got there. It’s like being red with rage, where you said some things you didn’t mean to say you look back and think “man that wasn’t me! Why did I say that?”

    Anyway, I don’t think it had to be drugs.

  3. I got into this long conversation with a nurse friend of mine about addiction yesterday. As a nurse, a large percent of the patients she treats are addicts. She said something that was interesting, “Unfortunately the US medical system is reactive instead of proactive and this is especially harmful with drug addiction. We treat so many poor life choices, but do nothing to help the pain in these people that caused the addiction”. She is also the sister of an addict. She and her husband are going to court today to get the decision on their attempt adoption their 10-month old niece who her brother had with another addict. The niece was born drug addicted. This is the 9th child the woman has had that has been taken away. My friend said to me, imagine what that poor woman has gone through to be at this place in her life. She was a foster child herself and severely abused. Addiction is terribly destructive and heartbreaking.

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