State of the Union Address- Birthday Version

It’s almost my birthday!  Hooray!  As we grow ever closer to the turning of my personal calendar for the 44th time (gulp), I feel compelled to report on the State of the Union, yes, that’s right.  As if I am the president of my world (I am).  I would like to take this opportunity to let my constituents (you) know how I think things are going.

To keep it organized, and maybe even teach you readers something, let’s do this exactly like we do here in the good old US of A.

You know, for posterity.

Office of the Vice President-

Well, my VP is of course my Rooster, he has continued to do a bang up job of providing for our household, keeping my projects in line and taking us on entertaining trips over this last year.  OH and the toys……. there are plenty, good job fine sir!

Department of Agriculture-

It was another record year in the garden department.  Many thanks to my VP for the poop dirt and fine rototilling services.  Our home was well stocked with fresh vegetables and we still have a surplus of zucchini.  Let me know if you need one, or twelve.

In this market trend of growth that we are experiencing this year, we are trying our hand at wine making.  So far we have exhausted the labor necessary to accomplish said task and now we are subject to the passage of time.  Fingers crossed for New Year’s wine.

Department of Commerce-

This department is in charge of promoting economic growth.  Eh, could be better, but it could always be better right?  All that needs to be reported is that the upward trend in both earnings and spending has continued.  There will be meetings on this topic.

Department of Defense-

My Rooster got me a taser this summer.  40,000 volts.  Somebody is gonna be sorry one day.

Also of note, my blog was attacked by Russian Spam Comments, which in turn made me unable to post for weeks.  This attack was successfully thwarted with no help from any of our allies, and new security measures are in place.

Department of Education-

Nothing formal to report.  We are learning everyday of course.  For example, just this weekend I learned that black and white spotted cows give the most and best milk.  See, that’s a thing you know now as well!

Department of Energy-

There is much research going into using solar power for more than just decorative garden purposes.  Current planning includes greenhouse heat and RV power cells.

Department of Health-

Eh, we’re getting older.  My VP is having a hernia surgery next month.

Department of Human Services-

Apparently this category has to do with achieving well-being and independence.  We continue to thrive in these areas.

Department of Homeland Security-

Many video cameras on the perimeter of our homestead, security alarms and various booby traps round out the state of the union in this department.  No threats have been identified, no paranoia rules our roost.

Department of Housing and Urban Development-

We are currently in the market for a new home with 5 or more acres for purchase.  This is exciting news that I expect further reporting on in the near future.

Department of the Interior-

This department is oddly named because it actually has to do with protecting the environment and natural resources, or “exterior” if you will.  I am pleased to report that we spend plenty of time in the woods, we always pick up our trash (and those of others), and pay attention to Smokey the Bear 🙂

So far this year our quota of dead animals (no hunting for my Rooster yet) has not been met, although we far exceeded the annual fish killing tonnage in our sovereignty.

Department of Labor-

We both work hard, my Rooster works harder than I do, although there is an ongoing discussion quantifying the difference between mental gymnastics and physical labor.

Department of State-

This department advises in international/foreign affairs.  We have a strict no affairs policy, but absolutely are looking forward to some international travel in the near future.

Department of Transportation-

The transportation department is well overstocked, in fact there is a service truck, a box truck, a boat and a sand rail currently on the liquidation block if anyone has a need in shoring up their own transportation department.  Please contact the office of the vice president for prices and inventory.

Still a grand fan of the new Jeep Renegade.  🙂

Department of the Treasury-

This department is confusing to me, as it seems to be much the same as the department of commerce.  It’s function is to maintain a strong economy.  As long as we work together and both the retail real estate and construction trades remain strong, we’ll be fine.  So far so good.  🙂

OH, it’s also to promote growth, that’s where the blog comes in.  Google is threatening to actually send me a check for my Ad Sense account, so that’s working out, slowly but surely (click an ad, earn me some money).

Department of Veteran’s Affairs-

The veteran that we pay the most attention to is the Chickenhawk, father of my VP.  He is doing well and making strides toward his goal of moving back to Washington.

To the many other Veteran’s in our lives- thank you for your service!

And finally,

Department of Justice-

Noses clean, heads up, nary a traffic ticket in sight.  The Department of Justice remains both vigilant and stagnant, just how we like it.

Thank you good citizens for indulging me the opportunity to both report the state of our union from my viewpoint during this time of reflection and anniversary and for taking the time to revisit the Cabinet positions of our government.

Happy Birthday to Me!

On a final and very important note!

PLEASE GO OUT AND VOTE.  Your opinion matters.



3 Replies to “State of the Union Address- Birthday Version”

  1. Excellent State of the Union address! Well spoken and delivered! Questions; What is the name of the grapes U plan on Fermenting? For adjusting your Agricultural Tax! No mention of the 2 Black Bunnies? Multiple Tax!

    1. Thank you so much kind sir! The grapes are Thompson grapes, a common table wine grape here in Washington (according to the guy at the beer and wine store). No black bunnies, it was a tough vote and debate cycle but in the end, a different home was chosen for them.

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